One of the most popular topics on websites about dating is the dating checklist. It’s sometimes also known as a love list. You likely already have one.

It’s the traits, qualities, and lifestyle habits you’d like to find in a partner. This becomes the yardstick by which you measure potential relationships.

Psychologist Seth Meyers explains that these checklists get people to focus on the wrong things. We agree, which is why we'd encourage you to create a flexible 'profile'. Ditch the shopping list of characteristics to 'manifest'. 

In this post, we’ll explore what a partner profile is, how to make one, and how to use it to find your ideal relationship.

A Partner Profile vs A Dating Checklist

One problem with rigid dating checklists means we're open to toxic relationships. So, you meet a guy and he seems to fit the criteria you put on your shopping list. So it's easy to think that you've 'manifested' him. But this can lead to confirmation bias, where your brain looks for evidence it was 'right'. You'll ignore the traits you didn't want in a partner to get the ones you want. 

Believe me, I fell into this trap before I found the Love With Intelligence approach to dating! It can leave you with someone who looks good on paper but isn't emotionally available. 

These checklists might also lead you to discard someone for the wrong reason. The checklists sometimes focus on what a person does, not who they are. If you won’t go on a second date because a compatible guy doesn’t earn enough money, you’d be missing out.

The other part of the 'list' problem is it removes the fun of getting to know another person. It also turns people into a 'thing' to get, and not a person with their own quirks and personality.

We all want someone who will love us for who we are. And after all, you wouldn't want someone to reduce you down to a simple checklist of features. So don't do it to your next partner!

The Benefit of Flexible Partner Profiles

It's unrealistic to assume you won’t have an idea of the type of guy you’d like to meet. Having a profile of the type of qualities you'd like in a partner is really useful. 

It's not a rigid list of things you want. Instead, it becomes a map of the type of people to look for. That also gives you great ideas for places to go to meet that kind of person. It's not a target to hit, but instead, it's a guide to how and where to meet like-minded people. 

It's a good idea to divide it into those things that are absolute dealbreakers and the things that are 'nice to have'. You won't have many dealbreakers, but the ones you do have will be super important. For example, a partner who's not ready to commit to a relationship is a good dealbreaker. Whereas a person's height shouldn't be a dealbreaker.  

Some coaches will tell you not to have dealbreakers as they're 'negative'. They're stating what you don't want in a partner. If you want a more 'positive' approach, consider what the opposite of that negative might be. Look at 'I don't want someone who only wants a bit of fun'. That becomes 'I want to meet someone who's ready to have a healthy and committed relationship'. It's up to you - this is your partner profile!

How to Create a Partner Profile

Think about the type of person you want to meet right now. A few qualities might spring to mind. Perhaps you like the outdoorsy type or people who love animals. Put these down, deciding whether they're Essential or Nice to Have.

If you're stuck, think about your closest five friends. What are the things about them that you like? Are they good listeners? Fun to hang out with? Always ready to drop everything for a weekend mini-break? Those might be the kind of qualities you'd like in a partner. 

Alternatively, you might want a partner who's very different! After all, you already have friends to meet those social requirements. 

Ask yourself a few of the following questions. 

What type of job does he have? Say you want a partner who is around a lot and is easy to spend time with. You won't want to date someone who might be away from home for months at a time. 

Personally, I don’t care what he does as long as he enjoys it and is good at it. I’d rather have a partner who’s fulfilled by their work than specifying a job role.

What sorts of interests does he have? Do you share a lot of the same interests? Are they interests that you could do together? Or would you prefer to be into different things? That’ll give you plenty to talk about and also opportunities to be independent.

Does it matter if he already has children?

Look back over your previous relationships. What things did you appreciate about your partners? Is there a common thread between these qualities?

You'll notice there's nothing on here about what he looks like. It's important that physical attraction is present. But don't limit yourself to something that's only skin deep. If you want to build a healthy connection that lasts, you'll need more than a pretty face to talk to.

How to Use Your Partner Profile

If you run your own business or do any kind of marketing, you'll know you need to be where your audience is. For example, fashion brands post on Instagram since their customers hang out there. There's nothing wrong with them posting on LinkedIn as well. It's just less likely that's where they'll make any sales.

Your partner profile can help you figure out the same sort of thing. Look at the profile you've drawn up and brainstorm where this type of person spends their time. 

- Where do they do their hobbies?

- What kind of groups might they be in? 

- Which bars or cafes would they frequent?

- Are you more likely to find them at the gym or a gallery?

When we're not in the grip of a global pandemic, you'd be able to then go to these places. Check on Meetup.com to see if there are local groups related to these interests or hobbies. Perhaps your local independent bar hosts a film quiz. Sign up for classes in your local area. 

Don't overthink this part. You can think 'laterally', and this is the benefit of keeping your profile slightly vague. For example, let's say you want to meet someone creative. That could be an artist, musician, interior designer, photographer, or even a gardener. It's the quality that's important rather than how they express it.

If you have no preference about the type of creativity, choose a class aligned to your interests. Learn a skill you've always wanted to learn!

That way, even if you don't meet a guy at the class, you still walked away with a fun experience and a skill under your belt. It also gives you something cool to talk about on your next date.

Partner Profiles and Online Dating

Now, we should address the elephant in the room. We’re advocating meeting people in person. It’s more organic and boosts your chances of meeting compatible people. But we are in the middle of a global pandemic. It’s changed how people can spend time together.

Research in the US shows that until 2013, the most popular way to meet partners was through friends. Since then, online dating has risen in popularity. Especially since social distancing became part of everyday life. 

Use your partner profile to guide which dating sites you use, especially since there are so many speciality sites available. Or attend virtual events and get to know new people online while learning something new.

You’re not restricted to the bargain bin that is Tinder! Check out our guide to spring-cleaning your dating profile.

Join the Dating Revolution

You can see how your partner profile becomes more of a helpful guide than a dating checklist. Once you’re among the type of people you’d like to date, you can see who you share a connection with. In the meantime, you get to build a life you can’t wait to share.

Like the sound of this new approach to dating? Jump into our new monthly membership! It's packed with all the training you need to get over an ex, meet someone new, and find a love that lasts. You’ll also get hypnosis sessions to install this new growth at a deeper level for long-term results!

If you’re ready for the relationship of your dreams, you can sign up here!