The Four C's: How To Have A Successful Relationship
When you think of a healthy or successful relationship, which couples do you picture? Barack and Michelle Obama? Gomez and Morticia Addams? Richard and Judy?
It’s easy to wonder what their secret is. Do you need a magical formula to have a successful relationship? The Beatles thought that ‘All you need is love’. 88% of Americans agree with them, saying it’s the most important reason to get married.
In reality, it’s actually very simple.
You need the 4 C’s: Communication, Compromise, Consideration, and Compatibility.
Yet as with many things that are simple, they’re not always easy!
Let’s look at how they work to help build a relationship.
We’ve all had moments where we’ve said something and wanted to take it back. Or our partner has dropped a thoughtless comment that ruined our day.
That’s why communication is critical to the success of any relationship. If you can’t raise issues with each other, you won’t resolve anything. These things then fester and either cause resentment or come out at a later date. When they erupt later, it can turn a petty grievance into a blazing row.
By comparison, when you can raise issues with each other? Things never get out of hand because you deal with them when they come up. You’re not blindsided by surprises – unless they’re the good kind of surprises
It’s worth reminding yourself that your partner isn’t psychic. Dropping hints or trying to be subtle isn’t fair on them. If you want or need something, say so.
One problem with a lot of dating advice is that it revolves around mind games. Like waiting a certain amount of time before you text them. Or dropping hints that you’re dating other people to make them commit to you.
Ask yourself this. Would you want someone to play silly games like this with you? No? Then why would you do it yourself?
Instead, learning how to communicate well is a much better option. You’ll avoid misunderstandings and get your needs met. Getting your needs met deepens your bond, leading to a much stronger relationship.
(As a side effect, boosting your communication skills improves all your relationships!)
A successful relationship has a telltale sign. Both people work together for the benefit of the relationship. In fact, Collaboration are fundamental to all successful partnerships.
The collaboration of Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak gave us Apple computers. Andrew Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice gave us award-winning musicals. Without Larry Page and Sergey Brin, we wouldn’t have Google.
In each case, the skills and abilities of one complement the other. When you meet the right one, you get the same result.
So you might bring order out of chaos, and the two of you are never late for anything. And he brings humour, silliness, and warmth. Together, you balance each other and the relationship works in harmony
A romantic relationship is the biggest collaboration of all. You’re collaborating to co-create an entire life together.
Likewise, look at compromise. It’s not about how you give something up to keep your partner happy. That’s a defeatist approach. Compromise is about finding the best solution for the relationship and each other.
Remember, you shouldn’t have to sacrifice anything to find or have love. If you always give way to keep your partner happy? That’s not compromise, that’s co-dependency.
At their core, successful relationships all have an essence in common. Both partners are doing the best they can for each other and the relationship. They always have the other person in mind.
When a relationship goes wrong, this is often the missing component.
One person shouldn’t be putting in more effort than the other person. If they do, it shows the other person is less committed to the relationship. They’re showing less consideration for their partner.
Find out each other’s needs and make sure you meet them. It doesn’t have to be anything spectacular. Your partner might love feeling appreciated. You can leave love notes in their lunchbox to tell them what they do that you appreciate
Or if he knows you have a stressful job and you struggle to leave work at the office? He might take your phone off you on a Friday evening and give you a foot rub before you watch Netflix together.
Whatever it is, it’s the simple act of being considerate of the other person and how they fit into your life.
I’m sure we’ve all heard the old saying “opposites attract”. But being compatible gives you a much better chance of having a healthy relationship. Having similar interests means you can share them and get excited about the same thing.
Think about what is it you really want in a partner. What traits do you like or appreciate about people? What makes you excited? These are the things that will help to sustain your interest in them. They can also be the reason you enjoy spending time with a person – which is a must if you want to build a life with someone!
Consider the deal breakers you won’t stand for. Far from dwelling on the negative, this gives you clarity so you know when to walk away. (Though hopefully you won’t need to!)
What level of emotional intelligence should they have? How about intellect? It’s important that you can meet each other where you’re at.
Finally, physical chemistry is a must. There’s no point dating someone perfect on paper that you don’t fancy.
Getting clear on what would make you compatible has an added benefit. This also gives you inroads into the type of person you’d like to meet. Now you know where to go to meet them!
Enjoy Your Successful Relationship!
These four areas offer the key to any enjoying a successful relationship. And they all boil down to the same thing. You want the best for each other and you put the relationship first.
I’m guessing that if you’re reading this, you’re single, or you’re not sure if your partner is the right one.
First, it’s normal to wonder if you’ve found the right one. Choosing a life partner is a huge decision. One of the biggest things we can give someone is our time. A relationship becomes an investment on every level.
Second, you need to find the best person to create a life and memories with. Don’t feel you have to lower your standards or that you’re too picky if you haven’t found the right one yet.
Either way, we’d like to help you. Check out our monthly membership and join a community of like-minded women.
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