How You Can Meet Someone Who Is On Your Level

There’s more to finding love than throwing up a Tinder profile and meeting whoever matches with you. Or locking eyes with someone in a crowded room and feeling like time has stopped. No, for the most success, you need to meet someone who is on your level.

But it’s not that easy.

You might be stuck in dating hell right now. Perhaps you keep meeting people who don't appreciate you or understand you. Maybe they’re even intimidated by you. They don’t grasp the concept of personal development or accountability.

This is a common problem among people who value personal growth. It shrinks the pool of compatible potential partners. Many people aren’t interested in improving themselves.

So people might tell you to lower your standards. They might advise you to be less ‘picky’.

But wanting someone to be emotionally available, self aware, and having their life in order is not you 'picky'. If you've worked on yourself, then it's only natural you want a partner who would do the same.

After all, you don't want to have to fix anyone. You don’t have time to help someone else get their life together. This can lead to problems with codependency if you have to step in to help someone else step up. You’re looking for a partner, not a surrogate child.

You want to be able to continue to grow as a person even within a relationship. Dating someone who isn't on your level will only hold you back.

But you can meet someone who is on your level. Here are our six steps to success.

1. Make Sure You're Self Aware

Many people may think they’re self aware, but few of them actually are. Self awareness is your superpower in dating.

It's how you're able to understand yourself, but also how you relate to other people. Self awareness is also what helps you to know that you are not what you think. You can tell the difference between you as the thinker, and the thoughts you're thinking.

But it also helps us to work out if we're behaving the way we think we "should", or in alignment with our values. This means you’ll be able to operate from your values, which makes you consistent in how you behave.

Consistency will help you to meet someone who is on the same level as you. It also means you’ll meet someone with compatible values, as they’ll work from their values too.

2. Do The Healing You Need To Do

We all know people who jump straight onto dating apps the moment their relationship ends. They want to distract themselves from the pain. Or maybe they want to boost their ego. Trouble is, they’ll meet others who are in the same place.

This means any relationships they do manage to have will be short-lived. They have another breakup, end up with more heartache, and hop back onto Tinder. It keeps the cycle going.

But if you’re self-aware, you know you need to heal before you start dating. If not, you’ll meet the same types of people and have the same types of relationships.

Work on your childhood traumas. Heal the pain from past breakups. Learn all the lessons you’ve encountered.

Once you get to a place where you’re healing, you’ll meet other people who are healing their stuff too.

3. Don't Date People For The Sake Of It

I've heard some people recommend that you should go on dates even if you know you're not interested. Following their logic, you don't know what opportunities that date might lead to. Maybe you’ll fall madly in love with their best friend or roommate!

Or… maybe we don’t all live in wacky romantic comedies. Trust me, dating people for the sake of dating is not the key to meeting someone on your level.

Doing it will waste your time and energy. You could spend that on more interesting or worthwhile things.

Remember, dating someone you’re not interested in also wastes their time. If you wouldn’t want someone to do it to you, don’t do it to them.

4. Date Because You Want To

Do you have lots of hobbies and interests? No? Then you run the risk of dating from a place of boredom. You can’t meet someone on your level if your motivation is not to find love.

Fill your life up with things you want to do. That way, when you date, it’s because you want to. Not because you’ve got nothing better to do.

This is actually my favourite part because this is what leads to good opportunities. You’re more likely to meet people on your level when you’re doing shared activities or pursuing things you love.

If you’re not sure where to start, get out your journal and jot down some answers to these questions.

What did you love doing as a child or teenager that you no longer do?
Which of these things could you do as an adult?
Think of your four closest friends. What activities do they do most often?
Which of these activities would you love to try?

Look at your lists. Can you ask your friends if you can tag along? Or are there any classes available in your area where you can try new hobbies?

5. Stick With Compatibility

This is the big key to meeting someone on your level. Compatibility is one of the 4Cs for a successful relationship. That’s along with consideration, communication, and collaboration.

Compatibility is the easiest one to start with when you’re looking to meet people. It’s one of the reasons why we created the Compatibility Matrix, available in our Meet the One guide.

Figure out what’s important to you in life. Think about politics, religion, cultural interests, even dietary preferences. What are your deal breakers? What doesn’t bother you?

This will give you an insight into who you’re compatible with. If you’re not interested in politics, then you won’t be compatible with someone who’s a political activist! Vegans won’t be compatible with people who enjoy shooting for sport.

Once you’ve worked out the types of people you’re most compatible with, figure out what they do with their time. Do they go to the theatre? Are they regulars at their local gym? Would you find them volunteering at an animal shelter?

This gives you an idea of where to go to meet people with compatible values and interests.

6. Get to Know People

Our final point is a big one, but people have a tendency to fall in love with a person’s potential. They either stop getting to know the person, or they ignore who the person truly is.

If you want to meet someone who is on your level, then take your time. Get to know the people you meet. Find out what makes them tick. Try and see how they behave in different environments.

Don’t be afraid to talk about your personal growth journey. Someone who invests in their own development will be happy to talk about it with you.

They’ll be happy to have met someone on their level! If anyone doesn’t want to talk about development? If they don't take responsibility for their actions? Then they’re not on your level.

Yes, You Can Meet Someone Who Is On Your Level

I know that dating can feel harder when you’re on a development journey. It can feel like there are fewer potential partners available. Swiping through dating apps can feel like rummaging through a raging dumpster fire.

But you can meet someone who is on your level. Do your healing, date because you want to, and get to know those compatible people. When you do, you’ll be cool, calm, and confident because you know you did the work beforehand.

Don’t worry if you still feel a bit stuck about what to do next. That’s where our personalised love report comes in!

We personalise it to you and your dating situation. It’ll help you uncover your love goals, your biggest dating obstacles, and the next step you need to take to find love.

Answering the questions is the best three minutes you’ll spend on your love-filled future.