Where Do You Meet A Self-Aware & Emotionally Available Partner Offline?
If you’ve spent any time on dating websites, you’ll know how quickly dating fatigue can set in. It’s easy to get sick of the Tinder Treadmill, wondering if you’ll ever find an emotionally available partner!
Yes, self-aware and emotionally available people exist on online dating… but they're hard to find.
Once dating fatigue sets in, people can often decide to be single rather than in a bad relationship.
But what if you really want to love a partner and be loved in return? What do you do if you're in this space and you're not sure what to do next?
Ditch the apps and go offline. Now, this is not about putting yourself out there in bars and hoping someone buys you a drink. You're a human being, not bait!
No, if you get dating organically right, it makes dating fun and you find better quality, more compatible people.
Let’s go through the five questions you need to ask yourself to meet an emotionally available partner offline!
1) Are you ready for a relationship?
Imagine I told you I had the ideal person for you, ready and waiting for a relationship. And then imagine I whipped the screen back, Blind Date-style, and said, "Here they are! Here you go! That's your ideal partner."
How would that make you feel? Would you feel excited, nervous, happy, good, or terrified?
Society has always told us we have to be a certain way to be loved and accepted. We need to have the right jobs, appearances, and hobbies. Anyone who falls outside of these artificial categories can feel like they’re not worthy of love.
Remember, if you have to work for love, then that's not love that you're getting. You're loved for who you are, not what you do.
It’s important to come back to what love really is, and work from that position, not one of fear. If you are worrying you’re not doing enough, then it’s not love. Once you love and accept yourself, you're ready to love and accept someone else.
So start with you. What are your best qualities? What are your values? Think about all the traits you have as a person. How many people are out there with that exact mix of traits? If you met someone with that same mixture of traits, would you feel excited? Would you be grateful?
An emotionally available and self-aware person is going to recognise those traits, and they’re going to be thrilled to meet someone else who’s done that work on themselves.
2) How do you know if someone is right for you?
This is the difference between looking in the right places and not.
You need to come back to yourself and understand yourself in order to know who is right for you. What are your goals for the future? What sort of life are you creating? Where do you want to live? Do you want a family? What do you want for you?
Many people don’t date with these things in mind. Therefore couples grow apart because they aren’t compatible. Or they end up miserable because they assumed they’d be able to change whoever they met to suit what they wanted. That’s why 42% of marriages in the UK end in divorce.
They date from a place of simply wanting a relationship, rather than wanting something that aligns with their life. This leads them into codependent relationships where they lose their identity because they put the relationship before everything else.
Ask yourself: Are you actually happy with the life you’re living right now? Are you in a place where you feel good about yourself and the life you’re living? If you’re not, you’ll use any relationship as escapism. Use this as an opportunity to create the life you want first.
Think of a relationship as a car journey to a chosen destination. If you're both on the same page about what you want in the future? That journey is going to feel like a smooth trip, where you both enjoy the scenery, the route, the music you're listening to, etc.
If you're both trying to build opposing futures within the same relationship, it’s going to be a painful journey. That’s where you're fighting over the best route to take, you can't agree on the music you'll listen to, and you keep yelling at other drivers.
Getting this right is such an important part of the dating journey that we created the compatibility matrix to help you figure it out. You can find this in our Meet the One guide on our website.
3) Where do these people hang out?
So now you know you’re ready for a relationship and you’ve worked out what’s important to you in life. You’ve actually done the hardest part of the work… now it’s time to get creative!
Figure out which of your interests is most important in a partner. Ignore anything that’s a passing phase or something you only do occasionally.
Let's say you're really interested in personal development. Going to related events is a great way to meet people with compatible interests. That might mean booking up for an NLP conference or a psychology workshop. Perhaps there is a relevant Meetup group in your area. Go along and see who you meet!
The same applies to other interests. If you're deeply spiritual, and spirituality is a key component of any future partner? Then you need to find events or places that will attract that kind of person.
Is art and culture your thing? See if your nearest museum or art gallery does open evenings or lectures where you can chat with fellow culture fans. Check out cultural events or go on an art appreciation holiday.
This part of the strategy is the most fun because you get to indulge one of your interests and meet new people. Not everyone will be a potential partner, but you might meet a new friend, housemate, or even a business partner at one of these places!
4) How do you recognise if someone is an emotionally available partner?
Now you’ve started going to events and meeting the right people, you need to spot who is emotionally available and self-aware.
Empathy is your best guideline for this. What's their level of empathy? An easy way to tell this is to watch for genuine facial expressions. You can spot these because they fade away.
Someone who doesn’t have a high level of empathy can mimic the right facial expression but they’ll switch to another one. Their expressions are masks they take off and put on. They’re not genuine responses.
It happens in conversation too. Let's say you tell someone you just got a promotion. A self-aware or emotionally healthy person will respond with a level of excitement or congratulations, which tails off to a neutral level.
Someone with no empathy, or a narcissist, might say well done. But then they'll change the subject to talk about themselves.
Is a person showing a level of concern for your welfare? Even if that’s offering you a cup of tea, they’re still taking an interest in you.
Listen to your intuition!
People often want to see the best in others. So that can lead to making excuses for others. And yes, sometimes someone has just had a bad day. Maybe they’re not feeling well, or they’ve got their own stuff going on. But if it happens persistently? Chances are good that they just aren’t interested in you as a person. That’s completely up to them and you won’t be everyone’s cup of tea. But listen to that lack of interest and don’t force things.
Think of a relationship you've had in the past that didn't go well. Somewhere near the beginning, you knew deep down that it wasn't going to work. But you chose to power through because you wanted to see the best in that person.
How annoying is it to know that your body was giving you the right information all along, and you just didn't act on it? Now you know better, you can do better.
5) How do you create a healthy relationship?
You can’t build a healthy relationship without the 4 C's: compatibility, consideration, communication, and collaboration.
Are you compatible with each other? If not, that relationship won't last long. It’s that simple.
Does your partner think about you and have your best interests at heart? Do you have their best interests at heart? A relationship without consideration will always breed resentment.
Can you talk about problems and resolve conflict without tantrums or game-playing? Do you feel safe and comfortable opening up to your partner, without fear?
Partners should collaborate to build the relationship together. When one partner starts investing more than the other, it throws the dynamic off. This can often lead to a parent/child dynamic, where one partner looks after the other one. This ruins chemistry and any sense of passion. So you need to meet your equal if you want to collaborate.
Want to learn more about the 4C’s? Read our blog post to learn how they work together in healthy relationships.
That’s How To Meet An Emotionally Available Partner Offline
Everyone deserves love but not everyone knows how to get it. Let’s be honest, we’re never actually taught how to have a loving, genuine relationship. We’re not even taught what an emotionally available partner looks like. So, even looking at these five questions might send you into a fog of confusion if you’ve never asked yourself these things!
But you don’t have to do this alone.
I want to be able to support you to help you find the relationship you desire and deserve. The help is there and if you need it, then take advantage of it!
You can download our Meet the One guide from our website, LoveWithIntelligence.com. This will walk you through our compatibility matrix and other advice about meeting people both online and offline. We've even had people meet new partners simply by working through the content in the guide!
You can also book a free 15-minute Love Insights call at our website at the link above. We will go through what's important to you when it comes to your love life, and we can help you define a new strategy. Other women have also met partners based on these calls!
