In a poll by eHarmony.co.uk, 29% of single British adults have given up on trying to find love. So if you can think of four single friends, chances are, one of them has decided it’s not for them. I’m guessing it’s not you because you’re here. You know you can learn how to find the right one.

But with COVID-19 restrictions beginning to lift, you may be beginning to ask, “Will I ever find love?” The short answer is ‘yes’, but you may be wondering how. Check out our seven latest tips for love that lasts!
 

1. Focus of Living Your Life Your Way

When you’re single, life can sometimes seem a little ‘flat’. Sure, you have great friends, a job you’re good at, and hobbies you love. Yet without someone to share it with, sometimes it seems a little ‘meh’.

This is precisely the point at which you need to enjoy your life. Place your focus on what you love in your life, and throw yourself into everything you do.

Doing this means that on one hand, you’ll get to build an amazing life you love! On the other hand, you’ll naturally radiate enthusiasm. This is super attractive to others. It also removes any feelings of desperation. Such enthusiasm puts you in a position where you'll meet people who do the same things and have the same values.

2. Don't Try To Be All Things To All People

You’re never going to be the ideal person for everyone you encounter. That’s why not everyone you meet is the right person for you.

Once you accept this, you’ll stop trying to do or say things just to please other people. It’s easily done—after all, humans want other humans to like them. We’re a social species, so acceptance by others is hardwired into us.

Trouble is, people can tell when you're doing or saying things just to please them. That’s not to say you can’t try new things or change your mind about issues. Of course you can. But if you’re doing it purely so the other person will like you? You’re shortchanging both of you. After all, they’re not getting the chance to get to know the real you.

Bottom line? If you don’t feel you can be yourself around a person, that’s a massive neon sign that they are not the person for you.

3. Take Care of Yourself

Taking care of yourself is something you’ll need to learn to do on every level. That includes mentally, physically, emotionally, and even spiritually. How it looks will vary, depending on your needs. It might mean going to the gym or meditating every day. Or it might mean working with a coach to heal from past relationships.

Whatever it involves, taking care of yourself communicates your standards to others. It shows other people how you want to be treated because it’s how you treat yourself. (And believe me, people take their lead in how to treat you from what they see you do for yourself)

The beauty of working on yourself is that you figure out what you enjoy. This makes it much easier to do point #1! It also makes it easier to figure out who you want to meet and where you might meet them.

4. Put the Relationship Before the Partner 

This can sound counterintuitive but hear me out. How often do we focus on our ideal partner, rather than our ideal relationship? The partnership is the part we share with our partner, and it’s the part we co-create with them. But we get hung up on ‘who’ the partner is instead.

Try this one on for size. Think about the kind of partnership you want. What will make you happy? What suits your lifestyle? What will meet your needs? 

Once you know that, you can evaluate partners by how well they will help you create that relationship. Think about what you’ll bring to the relationship too. Mark Manson makes an excellent point that "everyone wants a perfect partner, but few people want to be the perfect partner". Remember, partnerships need input from both of you. The right relationship will be a source of joy and contentment for you both.

5. Ignore Dating Rules

We’ve talked before about how important it is to ditch the dating rules. You know the ones. They tell you not to text back too soon or you look desperate. Or you need to date four people at once so you don’t get too attached to anyone.

They’re nonsense. They force you not to behave like yourself, and they turn dating into a manipulative game. You can’t meet the right one for you if you’re trying to control the outcome.

Instead, you should be yourself. This is much more attractive to others. It also makes it more likely you'll meet the right one because you’re putting off the wrong ones! Remember, you only need one right one. 

6. Put Compatibility First

Many dating coaches love getting you to create your dating checklist. Your partner needs to be this height, earn this much money, like these films, enjoy these hobbies, etc.

It’s incredibly shallow, and it’s also not effective. There’s no guarantee that anyone who ticks all your boxes will be compatible with you. It’s also unlikely that you’ll meet someone who ticks every box.

So don’t get hung up on dating checklists. It’s too easy to assume a person who ticks all the boxes is the right one for you. Once you do that, you avoid looking at any flaws or anything that’s not what you want. You don’t want the checklist proven wrong.

At this point, you’re working from a ‘dating-by-numbers’ approach. You can't pay attention to compatibility this way. Put compatibility first. You’ll soon find you don’t need to treat finding a partner like buying the perfect sofa

There’s a reason ‘compatibility’ is one of the four C’s you need for a successful relationship!

7. Don't Waste Time on the Wrong Ones

Some therapists and coaches advise you to let people grow on you. They insist that attraction needs to develop over time. In their view, you might write someone off too soon and miss out on the perfect relationship. 

That said, you also don’t want to waste your time on lukewarm dates or people you’re not sure about. Dating for the sake of dating is a form of self-sabotage. So don't date someone on the offchance they might grow on you. If it's not a 'yes please' on the first date, don't waste your time on a second.

"Will I Ever Find Love?" Yes!

Any of these tips on their own will help you to create a life you’ll be excited to share with a partner. They’ll also help you to enjoy that life for your own sake, which is pretty amazing too. But put these tips together and you’ll be off to a fantastic start!

Still feel you need a little more help and advice? Click here to get our free guide, ‘10 Ways for Successful Women to Improve Their Chances of Elegantly Finding Mr Right Fast’. In it, you'll learn how to avoid meeting the wrong person, get total clarity of what you want in a new partner (and how to recognise them when you meet them), and how to check your compatibility with your next date!