What’s the easiest way to meet a compatible partner?
 

So you’ve repeated all these terrible relationships. You’ve had plenty of breakups, you’ve been lied to and used, and you’re tired of it. 

You just want to meet a compatible partner and settle down. Is it really that difficult?

Short answer: No. You just need the right approach. And you’ll need to change what you’ve been doing.

Let’s dig into what you need to do and why it’s so important if you want to meet a compatible partner.

Are You Clear On Who You Are?

If I asked you, “Who are you?” What would you say? You might list your job roles, the fact you're a parent, or your achievements. But they're external factors that apply to you. They're not who you are as a person. Are you loyal? Genuine? Intelligent? What are your interests? What makes you tick? This is who you are.

And if you're not clear on this, then how on earth can you meet someone who's compatible with you? You can only meet a compatible partner when you know who they need to be compatible with. You.

Compatibility is the difference between being with someone long-term, and not. I keep talking about compatibility because it's so important, and it's why my clients have long-term relationships. They know who they are, who they're compatible with, and they only date people they're compatible with.

Healing Before You Date is a Game-Changer

I know, I know, you’re looking for information about where to meet compatible partners. Why am I talking about healing?

Well, answer me this. How much work have you done to heal from past trauma? 

Why does it matter? This is the difference between how much you can open up to someone and how closed you are. If you’re closed off… well, it doesn’t matter how many compatible partners you meet. They won’t stick around for long.

Look at it this way.

If you've had a string of turbulent relationships, with plenty of off/on moments, then your brain is trained to think this is what love looks like. Don't take that too personally. Films and books regularly portray this kind of relationship as 'passionate', when it's actually toxic. 

So if you meet someone calm, secure, and sedate, then you'll probably consider them to be boring. That’s because your nervous system is still on high alert. Your baseline is drama, so people who don't create drama will make you uncomfortable.

But when you heal that need for drama? This helps you shift your baseline to a calm place. You can recognise the calm approach of the secure partner and appreciate them for who they are. Suddenly, it’s much easier to attract a calm and loving partner because your baseline is calm and loving.

Your Emotions Can Teach You So Much

Only you can know when you feel ready to date from a place of security and happiness. And how can you do that? By paying attention to your emotions.

Take a moment to feel into your body. Get settled and be as ‘neutral’ as you can be. Now, I’m going to ask you, Does a stable relationship feel good to you? 

Notice any bodily sensations. Do you feel excited? Curious? Scared? Anxious? Where are those feelings? Are they in your gut or your throat? Whatever they are, and wherever you feel them, will tell you if you’re ready to experience a happy, stable, loving relationship.

Many people will judge their emotions. Maybe they can’t recognise the emotion, or they don’t know why they’re feeling it. If you feel any form of emotion, then don’t push it away. Be curious about it. When was it triggered? When did you notice it? As soon as you witness it and feel it in its entirety, you heal it. Pretending it doesn’t exist won’t help!

We’re going to try a quick exercise now, so make sure you won’t be disturbed for the next few minutes. Read each of these statements and notice what you feel in response to them. 

• Do you believe it was your ex partner’s fault that your relationships ended?
• Do you feel you keep entering the wrong relationships?
• Are you still blaming yourself for those relationships ending?
• Are you still going over all the things you feel you could have done differently?
• Do you believe you’re able to go into the right relationship?

How did your body react? This reveals a lot of information about your past.

Now, we’re going to do the same for the present. Again, read each of these statements and notice what you feel in response to them. Don’t judge what comes up, or try to feel something specific. Just pay attention to the emotion that comes up first.

• Do you feel like there's something wrong with you when it comes to relationships, but you can't put your finger on it?
• Do you feel like you know who is right for you?
• Are you afraid of entering the wrong type of relationship again?
• Do you trust your judgement and do you trust yourself to listen to your judgement?
• Do you feel worthy enough of love?

How did your body react? Pay attention to it because it’s trying to help you.

Work With Your Emotions, Not Against Them

One thing I hear a lot from people who have been single for a while is the fear that they’re broken. Nope. You aren’t. True, you might have a pattern of attracting the wrong relationship, but there's not anything wrong with you. Your pattern of behaviour is not you. It’s just what you’re doing.

So when you do healing work, you’re changing your pattern, not yourself. It’ll have a tremendous impact on the people you end up in relationships with. Think of it this way. Imagine you decide to lift weights. You go to the gym three times a week. Within a couple of months, you’ll notice more muscle tone and definition. It’s a tangible result of you changing your actions. Here, that’s going to the gym regularly. But you’re still you.

Using your emotions as a GPS is the same thing. They can help you choose the right actions for you, which will change the results that you get.

When you know how you want to feel, you can meet someone who aligns with that. Your emotions will tell you if you’ve met the right person, or you’ve just met a person. Sometimes, we can look at a person and think they’re great on paper, so we should like them… when they actually leave us cold. We ignore how we feel in favour of how we should logically feel. We talk ourselves into liking someone who’s wrong for us.

Make a practice of noticing your feelings on a daily basis. Your feelings will tell you what kind of relationship you’re going to attract. Figure out what your emotional baseline is. Then ask yourself, is that the kind of relationship you want? Does this feel like who you actually are? If not, is there a layer you need to work through to get back to who you truly are?

Life feels easier when we make the right decisions for us. And we can only make those right decisions when we’re listening to ourselves. Paying attention to our emotions is a brilliant way to do that. This is an empowering practice that can help you meet someone aligned with who you really are.

So What Three Things Do You Need To Meet A Compatible Partner?

Many people come to me and simply want to know how or where to meet people. That’s the wrong perspective. You need to approach dating by committing to yourself and your own healing first, before you figure out where to go to meet people. I only work with people for a minimum of six months. It takes three months to make a change, and another three months to nurture that change, so it becomes natural.

\1. Heal

Remember, the depth of connection you have with yourself will make the difference between meeting someone who is right for you and someone who is not. We can only connect with someone else as deeply as we connect with ourselves.

It’s also important to figure out what you actually want in a relationship as part of your healing. 

Do you want someone you can trust implicitly? Someone you can build your future with? Who you feel safe with? Do you want to experience that wholesome feeling of what it’s like to love and be loved? 

Ultimately, you want to meet someone who’s better than all your past relationships. In an ideal world, you’ll meet someone who will make you realise you went through all the cruddy relationships in the past purely so you could move forward and meet someone who’s right for you.

Make sense of your past and let it go. Your brain will often look at a negative experience and think, “I don’t want that again. So I need to figure out what I did wrong, so I know what not to do next time.” In reality, what you need to do is accept that it was simply the wrong relationship, and let it go. Yes, figure out which red flags you ignored so you can pay attention the next time. But you don’t need to do it from a place where you were ‘wrong’ or did anything ‘wrong’. 

One great way to do this is to be grateful for the rubbish relationships. Every single one of them caused pain, but this also caused you to grow. It’s this growth which has pushed you towards the right relationship for you. Appreciate these opportunities for what they are. Knowing what you don’t want makes it easier to know what you do want. This simple distinction pushes you towards living in alignment with who you really are.

2. Know Who You’re Compatible With

Knowing yourself and who you’re compatible with helps you to know where this kind of person hangs out, making it easier to meet them. You can get a version of our compatibility matrix in the Meet the One guide on our website. If you’d like to take that further, then you can join the Love With Intelligence Academy and get your own personalised dating strategy. Following these steps means you can meet people relatively quickly without relying on dating apps. Understanding other people makes it much easier to know where to meet compatible people. You can avoid the Russian roulette of dating apps.

This makes dating a lot easier, less stressful, and it helps you to filter out the people who will waste your time.

If you don’t have many friends that you can go out and spend time with, focus on building your social circles before dating. Otherwise, you risk relying on your partner for social interactions, which can lead to codependency. 

Not sure how to do that? Think about what you enjoy and go to places that allow you to meet like-minded people. Sometimes it takes time to build those social circles. But doing this will allow you to better understand yourself, help you figure out what you enjoy, and make some great friends in the process!

3. See the Truth in People

Some people think they don’t need to learn how to read body language. They think their intuition will be sufficient.

Trouble is, people often ignore their intuition because they’ve romanticised their partner. They don’t want to see the truth. 

Using behavioural profiling and reading body language helps you to look for evidence to support how you feel. This actually helps you to trust how you’re feeling and use logic to help you see things you don’t normally see. It gives you a better understanding of both yourself and other people. This helps you to connect better to other people.

Have You Chosen to Meet a Compatible Partner?

You have a choice about when you experience this level of deep, compatible love. You can choose to carry on as you have been so far, which will likely get you more of what you’ve already had. That is entirely up to you.

Or you can choose differently, commit to yourself, and commit to experiencing the life you want to experience. 

You also don’t have to do this healing work alone. I know what it’s like to feel fiercely independent. You do everything yourself; you don’t rely on anyone, and you feel you’ve got control over your life. Asking for help can be a painful experience. But life ends up feeling both difficult and lonely when you’re in this space. Reaching out and getting the right support will speed up your journey and make sure you don’t get sidetracked.

Be really honest with yourself and ask, are you going to have the level of support you need to get to where you want to be? Or are you going to carry on and see if you can find a fulfilling relationship by accident?

If you want a taste of the Love With Intelligence approach, then download the Meet the One guide from our website. Or join the Love With Intelligence Academy where you can start your healing journey, understand yourself at the deepest level, and learn how to meet a compatible partner with ease.